I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
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