i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Randomize
