So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
