It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Randomize
