ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
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