That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
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