I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
Randomize
