I wish I could teleport
my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
