i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
True strength comes from lack of pants
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
