that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
i just made my gag reflex go away.
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
The streets are paved with hand jobs
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