I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
Randomize