So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
Randomize
