remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
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