Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
No subtext here. People are naked.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
Randomize
