I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
Randomize
