we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
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