Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Randomize
