like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
Randomize
