i'm watching degrassi (go figure) and the episode is about jimmy not being able to get a boner and now he's famous and rapping about popping pussies..i dont get it.
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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