i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Randomize
