redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
I want to be your penis for a week.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
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