Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
Randomize