Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
