You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
She has the best kind of daddy issues
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
Randomize
