Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
Randomize
