peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
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