I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
Randomize
