can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
Randomize
