His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
Randomize
