and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
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