I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
Randomize
