Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
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