Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
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