would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
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