there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Randomize
