Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
Is that strawberry winking at me??
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
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