So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
