At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
He kissed a someone with a penis
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
Randomize
