i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
Randomize
