Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
