Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
Randomize
