...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
She's like a pop up book from hell.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
Randomize
