The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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