1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
Randomize
