Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
this beer tastes like vomit already
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
Randomize