saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
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