"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
