we're blogging at a bar
he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
Randomize
