just tell him i said nine months
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
