i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
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