i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
