I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
Randomize
