i was rollin on her like bob the builder
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
I just gift wrapped bread.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
