Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Randomize
