Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
We had sex on a dog bed..
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
Randomize
