I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
