No awkward lesbian experiences without me
now i know why i became what i already was.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
He shit in the fireplace
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
