kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
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