tell your sister to shave her snatch
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
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