I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Randomize
