fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
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