Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
Randomize
