I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
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