Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Randomize
