once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
Randomize
