just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
i came on her dog
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
Randomize
