he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
Randomize