did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize
