i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
