He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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