There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
I woke up under a house in Key West
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
