he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Randomize
