I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
my nose is crying tears of wow.
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
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