The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
That's how pantless uber rides happen
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
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