Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
