You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
