either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
Randomize
