dude i'm inner monologue high
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
Randomize
