Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
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