is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
And the cops told us we were all naked.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Randomize
