Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
Randomize
