you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
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