You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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