Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
Randomize
