my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Randomize
