so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Randomize